I first want to thank my friends, they know who they are, for everything they have done in the past weeks. I know I haven't been the best of company or the easiest to deal with recently but I wanna thank them for sticking through. Thank you...

Ive had alot of time to reflect. And although things are still feeling bad, each day I feel like im starting to get better. I'm still a long way from being happy but something in my sister journal hit me right in the heart. She spoke of the only one holding her back was herself..

...That really couldn't be more true, and not just for her.

I think Ive really been holding myself back from the things i want to be and want to have out of fear. Ive lost a lot sad to say, and I'm so scared to try again, fearing I would love something or enjoy something only to have it taken away from me again. So, I make excuses when really I'm just scared.

I dont want to hold myself back anymore. I'm gonna try. Ive decided I need to change some things about myself and what I do if Im ever going to feel happy again.

Number one thing is get back to excersing regurally and drop the weight i want to lose.

Number two, learn to let things just go. I'm gonna slowly relinquish the need to control everything in my life and everyone.

Number three, go back to doing the things i enjoyed. Singing and dancing being the big ones. Im looking for local theater groups or choirs/chorus groups again or even take a few classes at the community college. Also gonna sit down and draw at least once every day. Even if i produce nothing but doodles. I gonna take the "me" time.

and Number four, get out more. Im such a home body, I'm going to get out more and meet people. Look it more clubs and activities I can do outside my home. Maybe even start my own club!

Im going to start living my life again instead of existing, and I know these changes wont just happen over night, but I'm going to try little by little. I only hope my friends will continue to be there and help me through all this.

Heres to a better tomorrow.

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OK heres the dealio!

My friend Kt wants to get a dealers table next AWA and we talked about maybe going in on one {me her and luchan ^^}, she recently did a poll in her journal asking for opinion on what she should do.

WELL

I need help too. I'm no where NEAR as good an artist as she is, so i was thinking of doing post card sized prints, bookmarks, con/ID tags, and buttons of favorite anime/video game characters! I wouldn't charge much probably 1-5 dollar range. Same would be for commissions.

I also would like to do some sculpted jewelery! Once upon a time when willow was in middle school with her most favorite art teacher, she used to sculpt lil figurines from modeling clay and when I was at KT's house i discovered some left over sculpting clay and I made a lil mouse. I was thinking making pendents or earrings and such but i need YOUR help.

First for the prints I need to know what animes/video games i should do?
1 Final Fantasy 1-12?
2 FMA?
3 D Gray Man?
4 Kingdom Hearts?
5 Older animes {slayers sailormoon trigun ronin warriors ect...} ?
6 Horror Games {silent hill fatal from clock tower?
7 Other suggestions?
8 All the above?

Also if i do sculpt some jewelery or small boxes what should i do?

1 Shapes {moons stars clovers sun think lucky charms lol}?
2 animals [cats dogs bunnies fish]?
3 food [cakes cookies icecream pizza]?
4 anime faces

Give me suggestions people~! Or im just gonna run wild with it ^^ and do what i want

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My List of art to do:

"Icecream for 3"- completed*
"Mother of Mine"- 0%
"Saved the last dance for you"- completed*
"If the Sun Did Shine"-0%
"Dessert Star"-25%
"Funneh Kitteh!"-0%
"Angel Boyz"-25%
"Soul Within"-0%
"Prima Dons"-0%
"Divalicious"-25%
"Cowgirl Cutie"-75%
"Dragonfly Diva"-0%
"Miss Monkey"- 0%
"Elegant Elephant"- 0%
"Cecil Peregrine"- 0%
"Pinup- Crimson Butterfly"- 0%
"Wild at Heart"- 0%
"Pinup- Spell Bound"-completed*

*looks at list* i need to get to work ehhehheh...
Later peeps!
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~AMBER"S LIST OF PEEP'S TO CHECK OUT~

~ the lil sis
~ the awesome pirate
~ Yukisama!! My muse!
~ The most awesomest person ever man
~ Piss yur pants funny furry madness!
~ GO VISIT HER SHOPPE NOW!!